My Dreams, My Love, My life
by foreverbm
Summary: Ben ends up in hospital with meningitis. How do Michael and Hunter cope.


MY DREAMS, MY LOVE, MY LIFE

"Hunter, will you get your ass down here!" Michael yelled from the bottom of the stairs."You are going to be late for school."

"Chill out dude, it's only school," Hunter replied as he ran down the stairs and stopped in front of Michael.

"Only school? Youhave an exam in exactly…" Michael stopped, seeing the smirk on Hunter's face.

"Smart ass. Now go and eat," he laughed as Ben walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around his husband.

"He gets you going every time doesn't he?" Ben said, nuzzling Michael neck.

"Yeah, I should know better by now." Michael sighed, and turned toward Ben, lifting his face for a kiss.

"Mmmmm…you taste delicious at this time of the morning," Ben said between kisses. "But we'd better not start something we can't finish, I have an early class."

He smiled at the pout that appeared on Michael's face, wanting nothing more than to give in and carry him off to the bedroom for an early morning romp.

"How about I take you to lunch, seeing as I only have two classes this morning and then I'll come to the store and see if there is anything I can do for you."

"You can do me," Michael grinned, rubbing himself shamelessly against Ben, as his hands began to tug at his shirt.

"Later," Ben said, grabbing Michael's hands to stop him undoing his belt, as Hunter walked into the room.

"Can't you two even wait till I've gone?" he said, still munching on a piece of toast.

Ben draped his arms around Michael's shoulders as they watched him grab his backpack and head for the door. "Good luck pal. You'll ace it, I know," Ben said. "Then no more school for two months."

"Yeah, I know. Then how about a movie and dinner out tonight to celebrate," Hunter asked, hopefully.

"Sounds good to me," Ben replied. "You coming home after the exam?"

"We're going to hang out at the mall for a couple of hours, then I'll be home," he said, heading out the door, slamming it loudly behind him.

"I can't believe how well he's done considering all the school he's missed," Michael said, looking up at Ben.

"I know, he's worked really hard and I'm sure he'll pass all his exams."

"That's because he's had you to help him," Michael said, putting his arms around Ben's neck and snuggling into his chest, hoping he might be able to delay his departure a little bit longer.

"Ouch," said Ben, pulling away and rubbing his neck.

"What's wrong?" Michael asked

"My neck is a little stiff this morning. Must have spent too much time lifting weights at the gym yesterday I guess."

"Do you want a massage?" Michael asked hopefully.

"That would be wonderful but I want to grab a couple of Tylenol. Gota bit of a headache as well."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Michael asked, knowing that Ben didn't like to take tablets unless absolutely necessary.

"I'm fine, but might give the gym a miss today…..you and I could work out together instead - our own private workout in the bedroom," he said, grinning at Michael and giving him a quick kiss before heading off to the bathroom.

He came back seconds later and reached for Michael giving him a tight hug.

"Sorry baby, I have to go. I'll see you for lunch about twelve, ok?"

"Ok, but no dessert for you," he grinned at Ben.

"Why not?" Ben asked, looking confused.

"'Cause I'm going to be your dessert," Michael said, pulling him in for a long lingering kiss.

"Mmmmm…..can I have you with whipped cream?" Ben said, grinning at Michael, running his hands slowly down his back.

"You can have me any way you want," Michael replied. He wrapped his arms around Ben's chest, holding him tightly, not being able to pin point the reason why, but just knowing he didn't want to let him to go.

"Oh baby…..I have to go," Ben said, pulling away from Michael, and looking at his watch. "I'll see you in…exactly four hours…"

Michael walked to the door, his eyes never leaving Ben, watching as he trotted down the steps, surprised when he stopped and turned around.

"Love you brown eyes," he said, and with a quick wave took off down the street. Michael watched until he had turned the corner and disappeared from sight. He closed the door and did a quick tidy up around the house before heading off to the store.

Business was slow during the morning and he was able to catch up with his inventory which he had been putting off for some time. When the phone rang at 11am he crossed his fingers hoping it wouldn't be Ben canceling lunch. He was so looking forward to spending some time alone with his husband and was even hoping they might be able to go home for a couple of hours for a afternoon quickie before Hunter got home from the mall.

The phone started ringing just as the door to the store opened and Matt, one of his regular customers walked in. He gave him a smile and a quick "hi" before answering it.

"Hello…yes…this is Michael."

"What happened?"

"Is he ok?"

"I see…yes, I'll be there as soon as possible."

He hung up the phone and leaned against the counter, waiting for his heart to stop thumping in his chest and the sick feeling in his stomach to subside.

"Michael, what's wrong?" Matt asked, approaching the counter.

"Ben collapsed at school…he's in the hospital."

"Can I do anything to help?"

"No…thanks…I just need to get to the hospital to be with him." He answered, reaching for his keys and heading towards the door, with Matt following him.

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine," he replied, turning and locking the door behind him before hailing the first taxi he saw, desperate in his need to be with Ben.

He stood at the nurse's station, waiting for the nurse to finish her phone call. She finally hung up the phone and smiled at him.

"Can I help you?"

"I got a phone call… my husband Ben Bruckner, was bought here earlier…is he alright?"

He watched as she typed something onto the computer sitting in front of her, wanting to tell her to hurry up.

"Mr Bruckner is in room 213. The doctor is doing his rounds at the moment. He'll be able to tell you more about what is happening."

"Thank you."

He walked down the corridor until he found Ben's room and took a deep breath before opening the door.

Ben was lying in the bed, surrounded by machines which were beeping. He walked over to the bed, and bent down and kissed him gently before pulling a chair closer to the bed.

"Ben…I'm here. You're going to be fine," he said, blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall. He reached up to brush a few strands of hair off Ben's face and was surprised how hot his skin felt against his fingers. Then he noticed how pale he looked.

"If you didn't want to have lunch with me you could have just told me," he said, with a laugh in his voice which caught in his throat and turned into a sob as the tears sprung into his eyes again. He wiped them away, determined not to fall apart but seeing Ben lying here and not knowing what was wrong was beginning to take its toll on him.

He sat there talking to him about anything and everything, knowing nothing he was saying was making any sense and wondering if Ben could hear him, and just wishing that someone would come and tell him what was happening.

It seemed like forever before the door finally opened and he looked up as a young nurse walked in, holding a clipboard.

"Hello. I'm Kate…Mr Bruckner's nurse," she said, smiling at him.

"I'm Michael…Ben's husband."

He saw the surprise in her eyes at his words, but chose to ignore them, not wanting to go into any explanations.

"Can you tell me what's wrong with him?"

"The doctor is doing his rounds at the moment, he'll be here soon and will be better able to answer your questions."

"Has Ben been unconscious the entire time, since being bought here?"

"Yes as far as I know."

"Isn't that bad?" Michael began to tremble, his voice rising.

"Sometimes sleeping is the body's way of helping it recover. So don't jump to any conclusions. Now I just need to take his temperature,"

"I'm not leaving," he said, gripping Ben's hand tighter.

"Of course not. I'll only be a minute."

He watched as she checked his pulse and then took his temperature. She removed the thermometer and he saw a frown briefly cross her face as she wrote down the reading.

"How high is it?"

"It is higher than we would like, but we are working on getting it down," she answered, writing more onto the chart.

He noticed that she had avoided answering his question and a sick feeling was starting to work its way through his body as he realized that Ben maybe a lot sicker than he thought.

"Is he going to be alright?" he asked, reaching up and running his fingers down Ben's pale cheek.

"The doctor will be here soon. I know it's hard but try not to worry until you have spoken to him."

He watched as she wrote more onto the chart and then walked towards the door.

"Nurse?"

She stopped and turned around.

"Do you think he knows I'm here?"

"Yes, I'm sure he does," she answered, wishing she could do more to reassure him. She hoped the doctor would be here soon to talk to him.

"Keep talking to him. Even though he's unconscious he will be able to hear you." She gave him a reassuring smile before walking out the door and closing it quietly behind her.

He sat there, thinking he knew nothing more now than when he arrived and wishing the doctor would hurry up. He continued to talk to Ben, hoping the nurse was right, and that Ben could hear him. He was really afraid of how sick Ben could actually be but he was trying hard to not let his worries come through in his voice.

After what seemed hours, but was probably only minutes the door opened again and this time a doctor walked in.

"Hello. I'm Dr Chandler. You must be Michael."

"Yes that's right. Can you please tell me what's happening with Ben?"

The doctor walked over and pulled up a chair and sat down.

"At this stage we are not entirely sure but we think it might be meningitis."

Michael felt a shudder go through his body at the doctor's words and held Ben's hand tighter.

"That is serious isn't it?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly, trying very hard to stay calm.

"Yes it can be, but as I said, we are not sure. We're still doing some blood work and we will know more when we get those results. Depending on what they tell us, we may have to do a spinal tap," he answered.

"You know that Ben is HIV positive?"

"Yes. When he was admitted we contacted his doctor and had his records sent over," He answered.

Michael breathed a sigh of relief, pleased that he didn't have to go into any lengthy explanations.

"Has he been sick at all recently?"

Michael was about to say no when he remembered back to a couple of nights ago when he'd woken up to find the bed empty. He'd gotten up and found Ben being sick. He had assured Michael that he was fine, that it had probably been something he had ate, and Michael hadn't really thought any more about it until now.

"Two nights ago he vomited a couple of times and this morning he said his neck was stiff and he had a headache. He thought he'd worked out too hard at the gym."

Michael watched as the doctor made some notes, his worry beginning to turn into panic. He realized the doctor was talking to him and he made himself concentrate on what he was saying.

"Our first priority is to get his temperature down. At the moment nothing seems to be working and I'm thinking perhaps it would be best if we moved him to the ICU so that we can keep a closer eye on him."

"Could he die from this?" Michael asked, knowing he really didn't want to hear the answer.

"We're doing everything we can, as I said, once we have the blood work back we will know more about how to proceed with treatment. I'm sorry I can't really tell you any more than that at this stage."

He knew the doctor was being evasive but didn't let his mind think beyond what he was being told.

The doctor stood up and walked towards the door.

"I'll be back in about an hour. By then we should have the results and we'll make a decision about moving him."

He looked at Michael, thinking that he looked like he was going to fall apart at any moment and wishing he was able to give him better news.

Michael watched as the doctor walked out the door.

He finally let himself think about the words the doctor had said to him sink into his head…Meningitis…ICU.

He thought he should probably contact someone, let them know what was happening, but he knew he wasn't ready for all the questions and explaining yet. He just wanted to spend more time alone with Ben.

He lent over and kissed him and started to talk to him quietly, just hoping that he could hear him.

"You're going to get through this. I know how strong you are; how you fight for every one and every thing you believe in and now itstime to fight for _yourself_. I love you so much and I'm not ready to lose you yet…we haven't had enough time together…we will never have had enough time….and I know you won't let this take you from me".

The tears were now streaming down his face and he gave up trying to stem the flow; it was just too much effort. He reached for Ben's hand, and he realized that Ben's wedding ring was not on his finger. He panicked for a moment and then realized that they had probably removed it along with his other belongings when he had been admitted. He made a mental note to ask the nurse where they were when she came back.

Neither of them had removed their rings since the day they had exchanged them nearly a year ago. That had been one of the happiest days of his life and he remembered that night – when they had finally had time alone and Ben had told him to take his ring off.

When he read the inscription that Ben had had engraved on it…_I give myself to you...heart, body and soul...forever_ -- he had cried as Ben held him, knowing that whatever the future held for them, that day would be one of his most treasured memories.

"I know you always tell me to 'live in the now', but sometimes I can't help it. I let myself dream of our future. There are so many things to look forward to; Hunter graduating high school and getting married; JR's first day at school -- and I don't want to face them alone. I want you with me… so please, Ben, if you can hear me -- fight with everything you have to stay with me."

He put his hand on Ben's chest, reassured by the steady rhythmical beating of his heart, telling himself that Ben was strong, in mind and body, and that together they would get through this.

He ran his fingers down Ben's face, hoping he would be able to feel them and know that he was there and hoping for some sort of response. His stillness was what really scared him. Ben was never still. He was always on the go, doing as much as he could in a day, never wanting to waste a minute of it.

He gave himself a mental shake, finally wiping away his tears. He didn't want Ben to wake up and see him sitting there crying, no matter how scared he was. He knew he was fooling himself if he thought he could handle this alone. He reached into his pocket for his cellphone, and not finding it, realized he must have left it at the shop in his rush to be with Ben.

He noticed the phone on the bedside cabinet and reached for it, taking a deep breath as he punched in some numbers. He swore softly to himself as it went straight to voice mail, not sure what to do next. He sat there for a few minutes, trying to get his thoughts in order before reaching for the phone again and this time breathing a sigh of relief when it was picked up.

"Emmett, it's Michael."

"Hi sweetie."

"Do you know where Brian is?"

"Brian? He was at Babylon last night, I think he said something about flying to New York early this morning for some important meeting." He paused.

"Michael, are you still there?" he asked, the silence at the other end of the phone beginning to concern him. "What's wrong?"

"Ben's in the hospital."

"Oh my god! What happened…is it his meds?"

"He collapsed at school this morning…Em….its bad."

"I'm on my way Michael…just sit tight…I'll be there as soon as I can, okay?"

"Okay."

He hung up the phone and reached for Ben's hand again, holding it tightly as if this might keep him anchored to this life. A feeling of sheer helplessness washed over him.

After stopping at the nurse's station to find Ben's room number, Emmett walked down the corridor at a brisk pace, wanting to find Michael as quickly as possible.

He opened the door and took in what he saw.

He could see Michael's lips moving as he talked quietly to Ben. He looked pale and judging by his red rimmed eyes he had been crying recently. His eyes moved to Ben, who looked even paler than Michael, if that was possible.

Michael must have sensed his presence as he looked up at him and the absolute despair he saw in his eyes unnerved him.

He walked across the room as Michael stood up and he wrapped his arms around his best friend. Michael let himself be enveloped in Emmett's arms as his sobs shook his body.

Emmett held him, not saying anything, just hoping his presence might, in some way, be a comfort to Michael.

After what seemed an eternity, Michael pulled away and wiped at his eyes and looked up at Emmett.

"I'm so scared Em."

"Come and sit down," he said "What did the doctor say?"

The words began to tumble out of Michael.

"They think it could be meningitis, they're trying to get his temperature down and they're doing all these blood tests, the doctor said they might put him in the ICU…..I don't want him to die."

"Michael you know how strong he is. He will come through this," Emmett said, knowing that his words weren't really what Michael wanted to hear.

Michael nodded his head, reaching for Ben's hand and stroking it slowly.

"What do you want me to do to help?"

"I don't know."

"Have you told your Mother?"

"She's in Canada visiting the girls."

"Ok…well..."

"Shit!"

"What?"

"Hunter. He doesn't know."

"It's okay. I'll go and see him after school and tell him what's happened."

"He should be home by now…..he had an exam this morning….I can't……."

"I know…its okay. How about I go to your place and talk to him, explain what's happening and bring him here?"

"Would you pack me an overnight bag please….just a few things. I'm not leaving here."

"Of course. I'll handle it. Is there anything else you need now, before I go? Have you eaten?"

"I'm not hungry," he replied, reaching into his pocket for a house key and handing it to Emmett.

Emmett bent down and gave him a hug, wishing he could do or say more to make things better for Michael.

"I'll be back as soon as I can. Will you be alright? Should I ask Ted to come by later?"

Michael just shook his head as if he had no words left in him.

Emmett walked to the door and turned around, looking at Michael, knowing that he was much stronger than he thought and also aware that he was going to need all that strength to get him through what appeared to lie ahead for him.

Hunter heard the front door slam and footsteps walking into the living room. Without taking his eyes off of the television screen he called out.

"What are you doing home at this time of the day?"

Not getting an answer, he turned around, expecting to see one of his fathers standing there and was surprised to see Emmett instead.

"Oh, hi. I thought you were Michael or Ben."

"Hello."

"They're not home."

"Yes, I know…can you turn that off?"

"What?"

"The T.V….turn it off, please."

Hunter searched for the remote control amongst all the empty chip bags and coke cans that were strewn over the couch, finally finding it and hitting the mute button. Emmett walked over to the couch, and deciding at a glance that actually finding somewhere to sit was an impossibility, he perched on the arm instead.

"What's up?" Hunter asked, trying to work out what had prompted this early afternoon visit from Emmett.

"Ben's in the hospital."

"What happened?"

"He collapsed in his class this morning."

"What's wrong with him?"

"They're not sure. They think it is some kind of viral infection. They might transfer him to the ICU shortly."

"How come?" Hunter asked. He was trying to stay focused on what Emmett was telling him, instead of focusing on the cold sick feeling that was starting to seep through his body.

"I think they just want to keep a closer eye on him and try and get him stabilized."

"Is he going to be alright?

"They're doing everything they can. Michael is with him, waiting to talk to his doctor."

"Is he awake?"

"No,"

"Is he going to die?"

Emmett was starting to feel a little uncomfortable under the direct questions that Hunter was firing at him. He had also picked up on the hesitation in his voice before he'd answered and hoped that Hunter hadn't read too much into it.

"I'm sure he's going to be fine. I'm just here to pack a bag for Michael and to take you to the hospital to see Ben."

"No!"

Confusion at Hunter's answer crossed Emmett's face.

"No?"

"I'm not going."

"But…"

Before Emmett could finish the sentence Hunter was taking off up the stairs. Seconds later and he heard Hunters door slam so hard it made the windows rattle.

Emmett sat there, not quite sure how to handle the situation he found himself in. Although he had known Hunter since the day Ben and Michael had taken him in, he had never spent much time with him on a personal level, and he had no idea of the way the mind of a seventeen year old straight boy worked. It was truly beyond him, although he had an inkling of what he might be going through his mind.

He decided to leave him for a while and proceeded to gather up the rubbish from the couch and remove it and put it in the garbage. He washed a few dishes lying in the sink before having a check around downstairs to see if anything else needed doing. This way when Ben and Michael got home the house was tidy for them. When he had satisfied himself that everything was how it should be, he took a deep breath and made his way up the stairs to Hunter's room.

He knocked tentatively on the door and not getting a response, opened it slowly and walked in. Hunter was sitting on the bed, hugging a pillow, dry eyed and stony faced, looking much younger than his seventeen years.

"We need to get back to the hospital."

"I told you, I'm not going."

"Don't you want to see Ben?"

"And watch him die?"

"No one said he was going to die. Yes, he is very sick, but you know how fit and healthy he keeps himself."

"A lot of good all those protein shakes and hours at the gym have done him at the moment, isn't it?"

"But the fact that he keeps himself in good shape is going to work in his favor don't you think? It will definitely help him fight whatever is wrong with him."

"Maybe."

"Hunter, I don't pretend to understand how you are feeling, how worried you are about Ben, but don't you think being there with him would make you feel better?"

The only answer he got was a shrug of the shoulders and he was beginning to wonder how exactly to handle this situation.

"Look, Michael needs to know that you're okay. He has enough on his mind without having to worry about you too…so how about you come to the hospital…."

"I said…."

"I know what you said…. just come and see Michael, let him see that you are alright. You don't have to see Ben if you don't want to."

"Michael won't understand and I don't want him angry at me."

"He won't be angry with you. Maybe you just need to tell him how you're feeling."

"That if this can happen to someone like Ben, who does everything right….."

"That it could happen to you as well."

Hunter nodded his head as a tear rolled down his face.

"I'm sure he'll understand you feeling that way."

"But I shouldn't be thinking of me, I should be thinking of Ben."

"People deal with this sort of thing in different ways, none of which are right or wrong, and if this is how you are feeling it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I'm scared."

Emmett shivered slightly, having heard the exact same words from Michael earlier in the day and still having no idea what the right answer was.

"I know, and Michael will know that as well. He will understand, I promise."

Hunter looked at Emmett trying to decide whether he was just saying that to make him feel better or if he actually meant it.

"So how about you pack yourself a bag of things you can do to pass the time, while I get one for Michael and when we get to the hospital, you can decide then what you want to do?"

"Ok," he replied, getting up off the bed and reaching under it for his backpack before proceeding to throw some things into it.

Emmett watched him for a moment before leaving his room, wondering if anything he had said was the right thing or not.

He went into Ben and Michael's room and found an overnight bag and started filling it with what he thought Michael might need for the next few days, before calling out for Hunter.

They headed downstairs and checked that the house was locked before closing the front door behind them and heading back to the hospital, both of them wondering what they would find and how they would handle whatever awaited them there.

Michael looked at the clock on the wall for what seemed like the hundredth time, wondering how much longer the doctor would be.

He felt a headache coming on and his mouth was dry from talking continually to Ben. He poured himself a glass of water from the jug on the cabinet and had just finished the last mouthful when the door opened and the doctor walked in.

He gave Michael a smile before walking over and sitting on the edge of Ben's bed.

"I have the results of the blood tests," he began. "They are not conclusive and because Ben is showing no signs of improvement I have decided to move him to the ICU and do a spinal tap."

"What does that mean?" Michael asked, having heard the word but having no idea what it actually involved.

"We will take draw some fluid from his spinal cord and check it for an abnormal number of white cells. If it shows what we suspect it will, an increase in his white cell count, this would confirm a diagnosis of viral meningitis and then we'll know the right way to treat him."

"Is it dangerous?"

"It is a common procedure, and takes about 30 minutes. He won't feel anything,"

Michael digested this information, knowing that what the doctor told him was to reassure him more than anything else but still worried about the sound of it all.

"When are you moving him?"

"Immediately, there will be an orderly and nurse here any minute."

"Can I go with him?"

"ICU is for family members only."

"I'm his husband. We were legally married in Canada and I'm not leaving him." He could hear the anger in his voice as it began to rise.

"I understand but…"

"No, I don't think you do!" Michael said, holding Ben's hand tightly, surprising himself with the determination in his voice. "We've have talked about this, that one day it could happen….and….we made promises to each other and mine was I would hold him in my arms when he died and if there is a chance that may happen I am going to be with him! I won't…

His voice trailed off as tears sprung into his eyes. He brushed them away in anger, determined not to let this doctor see any weakness in him.

"He would know I wasn't there, you have to understand that and I would have to live with the fact I had broken my promise to him and I wouldn't be able to do that."

"Michael, I do understand how you are feeling. I will talk to the staff in the ICU and explain the situation and see if we can work something out."

He stood up and looked down at Michael.

"Is there anyone who can come and sit with you while you wait?" he asked, feeling slightly uneasy about leaving him alone.

"My friend and our son should be here soon."

"Good. When they arrive come up to the 6th floor where the ICU is. There is a family room there where you can wait. I will be back to talk to you as soon as I have the results."

Michael nodded his head wearily, not trusting himself to speak, knowing he would probably break down completely.

No sooner had the doctor left then the nurse and orderly walked in the door.

"We're taking Mr. Bruckner up to the ICU now," she said, moving towards the bed.

"Nurse, do you have Ben's possessions somewhere?"

"Yes. They were put away for safe keeping."

"Could I have them please?"

"Of course." She turned and spoke briefly to the orderly. He left the room and returned shortly handing a bag to Michael.

"Thank you."

"We need to go now," the nurse said, as she and the orderly began to move Ben's bed.

"Please…can I just have a minute with him?"

She nodded her head and moved away from the bed.

He bent down and kissed Ben on the forehead. "I love you and I will be back with you soon," he said, gently wiping away his tears which had fallen onto Ben's face.

They pushed Ben's bed out of the room and he followed them to the door and watched as they went down the corridor to the lifts and then disappeared from sight.

Emmett walked out of the cold and into the warmth of the hospital. He stopped and turned around, waiting for Hunter, who had been lagging behind the whole way.

"Ben's on the second floor," he said "Come on, Michael will be waiting for us,"

Hunter mumbled something in response which he didn't even try to understand. They made their way down the corridor to the lifts. When they stepped out Emmett looked down the corridor and saw Michael standing outside Ben's door. He hoped that this just meant Michael was taking a breather and nothing worse.

He turned to Hunter. "What have you decided?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"Hunter, I know it is hard but Michael needs us."

"I know."

"Look…there's a cafeteria down that way I think, why don't you go and get a drink and I'll talk to Michael. If and when you are ready you can come and find us."

"What will you tell him?"

"The truth…that you are not sure if you're ready to see Ben yet."

Hunter nodded and began to walk away. He stopped and turned back to Emmett.

"Thanks."

Emmett smiled at him and taking a deep breath, began to walk down to meet Michael.

Michael turned his head when he heard footsteps walking towards him and let out a sigh of relief when he saw Emmett.

"How's Ben?" he asked, wrapping his arms around Michael and giving him a tight hug.

"There's no change…they've taken him up to the ICU and they're going to do more tests."

"When will you know something?"

"I don't know….Em…they said I mightn't be allowed to be with him."

"What!"

"Only next of kin are allowed into the ICU."

"You are next of kin! You're his husband," Emmett fumed.

"It doesn't count. The doctor said he will talk to them….Em, I have to be with him."

"And you will be sweetie," Emmett said, with more confidence than he was feeling. "I'm sure the doctor will do what he can."

"He said he understands and he has been really good…..explaining everything to me."

"There you go then…you'll be back with him in no time."

Michael nodded. He felt more in control now that Emmett was here and it finally registered with him that Hunter wasn't with him.

"Didn't you find Hunter?"

"He's getting a drink."

"And that's more important than being here?"

"He's upset."

"I know that, but he should be here. They might let him see Ben if I explain he's legally our son,"

"He's not sure he wants to."

"What?"

"He's scared."

"Of course he is! So am I, but he needs to be here."  
"We can't make him see Ben, Michael."

"Yes we can!"

"Michael, listen to me, he knows how sick Ben is and he's scared shitless. He thinks that if this can happen to someone as strong as Ben, what chance does he have."

"This isn't about him, it's about Ben…the man who fought so hard to get him off the streets, to give him a home and a chance at a decent life. And now Ben needs him, but he's not here."

"Michael you need to calm down."

"No…..he has to understand that he just can't run away when things get tough."

"Michael I know you're angry at him, but please try to look at it from his point of view."

"Em…..I know he's scared, you don't need to tell me what that's like. Do you know how often I think about the fact that I could lose the man I love more than I ever thought it was possible, and the son I never thought I would have, just like that."

He clicked his fingers and Emmett jumped.

"Sometimes I just want to shut myself away and cry, but I don't because it wouldn't change anything. They would both still have this fucking disease and I don't want to spend what time I have with them feeling sorry for myself. But sometimes Em, it gets so hard,"

Emmett took Michael into his arms as his sobs shook his body, knowing there was nothing he could say that would console Michael at the moment. He didn't know that Michael had these dark thoughts but should have realized that anyone in his situation couldn't stay on top of everything all the time, no matter how hard they tried.

Michael pulled away and wiped at his eyes with the backs of his hands, leaving streaks of tears across his face but not caring.

"I'm sorry Em…you didn't deserve that…..it's just this waiting and not knowing."

"It's okay sweetie….I understand. Do you want me to go and get Hunter?"

"No…when he's ready he'll be here."

"I'm here."

Michael and Emmett turned to find Hunter standing a few feet away from them, shuffling from one foot to the other.

"I'm sorry Michael…I didn't want you angry at me," Hunter said, as tears began to well up in his eyes.

"Come here," Michael said and held out his arms as Hunter walked into them. He held him tightly, knowing they were both trying hard to stay in control of their emotions.

"I'm not angry at you. I do understand how you are feeling, Hunter. I'm just worried about Ben and I got upset."

"Did you mean what you said…about being scared?" he asked, never realizing what it must be like for Michael.

"You heard all of that?"

Hunter looked down and nodded his head.

"Hunter…look at me….yes, I get scared like I said but I wouldn't change a single thing in my life. Because of you and Ben I've found everything I have ever wanted and not a moment goes by when I'm not grateful to both of you for giving me that."

Relief flooded through Hunter's body at Michael's words.

"Now…I'm going up to the ICU to wait for the doctor. Do you want to come with me? You don't have to if you don't want to."

"Yes." Hunter replied as Michael put his arm around his shoulder. Emmett watched as they walked down the corridor, thinking that if Ben didn't come through this they were going to need each other like never before.

They walked into the family room and Michael was pleased to see that they had it to themselves. He found a chair in the corner and sank into it, while Hunter sprawled out on a couch, his long legs hanging over the edge.

Emmett followed them in a few minutes later.

"Do you want something to eat?" he asked, squatting down in front of Michael.

"No…thanks,"

"A drink then?"

He shook his head in response.

"Are you sure? You need to keep your strength up."

"Em…I'm fine…I don't want anything except…"

"I know," Emmett said, wrapping his hands around Michael's. "Should I ring your Mother, let her know what's happening?"

"No….there is nothing she can do and she will only fuss and I don't need that, when I know something definite I will call her."

"Okay." He gave Michael's hands a comforting squeeze and stood up, turning to Hunter.

"Do you want anything?"

"Yeah…..a drink would be good…thanks."

"Right…..I won't be long," he said, heading for the door, grateful he could make himself useful in some way and also thinking that Michael and Hunter probably needed some time together.

Michael watched Emmett walk out the door and closed his eyes, trying to relax but every time he heard footsteps passing the door he sat up with a start, hoping it might be the doctor.

Hunter stood up and wandered around the room, picking up pamphlets from a table and flicking through them before dropping them back down again.

"Hunter, will you please sit down!" Michael said, more loudly than he meant to.

"Sorry," Hunter replied, as he slouched over to the couch and dropped back down onto it with a thud.

Michael stood up and walked over to the couch and sat down next to him.

"No….I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not…I didn't mean to yell."

"I know," Hunter replied, giving Michael a small smile. "Why is it taking so long to figure out know what's wrong with him?"

"They had to do something called a spinal tap, and that will tell them exactly what the problem is."

"Then what?"

"They will know how to treat him."

"And he will wake up and be alright?"

"I don't know."

"He will be alright, wont he?"

"Hunter I don't know anything about meningitis which is what they think he may have, all I know is what the doctor has told me."

"So he could die?"

"Hunter please….."

"What?"

"I'm trying really hard not to think about that."

"So we just sit and wait?"

"Yes Hunter…we just sit….. and wait……." Michael said, and stood up and walked back to his chair, collapsing into it.

"That's crap."

"What do you want me to do?" Michael asked wearily, rubbing his temples trying to relieve the tension headache he could feel building.

"I don't know…something, anything…not just sit here," he said, getting up and coming to stand in front of Michael.

"Hunter, sit down, this isn't helping."

"And sitting here doing nothing is?"

"The doctor said he would be back as soon as they know something…so yes, we sit here and wait."

"And you're happy to do that?"

"Jesus Christ Hunter of course I'm not…but there's nothing I can do, don't you understand that…I want to be with Ben and at the moment I don't even know if I will be allowed to do that," Michael said, hoping he would drop the subject.

He knew Hunter wasn't deliberately trying to be difficult but at the moment he was

having a hard enough time holding himself together without having to have to deal with this, but knew he had to try and reassure Hunter.

"Hunter, I know how worried you are, not just about Ben but yourself as well," He put his hand up as Hunter was about to say something. "And we will talk about that, I promise, but right now all I can think about is Ben, do you understand?"

"Yes, but…."

"No buts….please Hunter," Michael said, sitting back in the chair, feeling physically and mentally drained.

Hunter stood there for a moment, looking at Michael, noticing for the first time how exhausted he looked.

"I'm going to go and find Emmett."

Michael knew he should make him stay and talk to him but he also knew he didn't have the energy for it at the moment.

"Don't be too long."

"I won't," he answered, walking towards the door. He gave Michael a small smile, before opening it and walking out, letting it close quietly behind him.

Michael looked at the clock, amazed that it was almost five. He closed his eyes and let exhaustion wash over him and must have dozed off for a moment. He jumped when he heard the door open and looked up to see the doctor walking towards him.

"Hello Michael," he said, sitting down in the chair next to him. "How are you holding up?"

"Not that well actually," he replied, with a catch in his voice.

"I've just come from seeing Ben. He has been asking for you."

"He's awake!"

"No, he is in and out of consciousness. In his more lucid moments he has been calling out your name."

"Please, can I go to him?"

"It's not hospital policy, but we have decided it would be in his best interests if you were with him."

"Thank you,"

Hospital policy. He was sick to death of hearing those words, and although he was relieved beyond belief that he would be able to be with Ben, he couldn't help but think that had it been anyone else this would not have been an issue. The fact that they had 'decided' to let him be with Ben, that they could have said no, made him furious. It was so horribly unfair! If they had refused him, would he have been able to draw the strength from somewhere to stand up to them? To tell them to shove their rules, and demand to be with his husband no matter what? How could they treat people that way?

He realized the doctor was speaking to him and he shook his head, pushing these thoughts out of his mind and concentrated on what he was saying.

"There are a few things I need to discuss with you."

"Like what?"

"Now that we have confirmation that it is viral meningitis, we have started the appropriate treatment."

"Which is what?"

"An IV of anti-inflammatory medicine and pain relief."

"That's it?"

"That is all we can do I'm afraid, it is just a matter of letting it run its course."

"And he will be ok?"

"I'm hopeful that he will make a complete recovery. But you need to be aware that it could take some time and that there maybe some residual symptoms."

"What does that mean?"

"Some patients experience episodes of fatigue and have trouble concentrating. Recurring headaches and short term memory loss can also be problem. Michael, I'm not saying that Ben will experience any of this but you need to be aware of what maybe ahead for you both."

"I understand," Michael said.

"Well, if you have any more questions, the ICU doctor who will be looking after Ben will be able to answer them for you. When you are ready, come to the nurse's station and you will be taken to him."

"Thank you. I'll wait for Emmett and Hunter to come back. They shouldn't be long."

"Good. Try not to worry too much. He's in good hands." He stood up and walked to the door.

Michael followed him out of the door and into the corridor.

"Thank you for everything," he said, reaching out and shaking the doctor's hand.

"Good luck, Michael," he said and walked down the corridor and out of sight.

Michael went to re-enter the room when he spied Hunter and Emmett coming towards him. He waited for them and they walked back in together.

After explaining to them what the doctor had hold him and being reassured by Emmett that he would looked after Hunter, he gave them both a hug and went in search of someone who would take him to Ben.

Michael walked down the corridor and decided a stop off at the bathroom might be a good idea. He felt dirty and disheveled and knew that once he was with Ben he wouldn't want to leave.

He pushed open and the door and walked in, pleased to see it was empty. He dropped his bag onto the floor andleanedagainst the sink. A glance in the mirror confirmed that this had been a good idea as he took in his bloodshot eyes, tear stained face and messy hair. He ran some cold water into the sink as he took off his t-shirt and rummaged through his bag for a clean one.

The cold water on his face felt wonderful and left him feeling slightly refreshed. He tried to do something with his hair, but couldn't find a comb so gave up but knew a haircut was definitely in order when he got home. Home. He couldn't believe it had only been a few hours since he had watched Ben wave goodbye and now it felt like his whole world was crashing down around him, not knowing if Ben would ever come back to the home they had so lovingly made together.

He shook his head to get rid of these thoughts and instead concentrated on making himself clean and tidy, as best he could.

Finally satisfied he grabbed his bag and made his way to the nurse's station only to find it empty. After standing there for a few minutes, undecided as to whether to wait or go in search of someone, he heard footsteps approaching.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm Michael Novotny-Bruckner. I was told someone would take me to my husband."

"We were expecting you. I'm Mark, Ben's nurse on this shift."

The genuine smile he was given by the nurse was the first one he had received since entering the hospital, and he felt himself relax slightly for the first time today.

"If you like to come with me I'll take you to Ben and answer any questions you may have."

"Thanks. Is he showing any signs of waking up?"

"No, he's notDid they tell you it might take some time?"

"Yes."

"I know how worried you must be Michael. Can I call you Michael?"

"Sure."

"Thank you. The ICU is different from the other wards. We have specialist care and we are doing all we can to keep him comfortable. Dr. McKenizie is his attending physician and she will come and talk to you later."

"Can I stay with him all the time?"

"Strictly speaking we do have certain visiting hours but if things are quiet, which they are at the moment, we do tend to bend the rules slightly."

Relief flooded through his body at the nurse's words.

"There is a cafeteria on this floor, which is open 24/7, and if there is anything else you need or want to know, please just ask."

He followed the nurse down the corridor until they had almost reached the large double doors, with the words "Intensive Care Unit" blazoned across them.

He stopped, a shudder going through his body as he read them, knowing that in this room Ben would be fighting to stay alive.

Michael….are you alright?" Mark asked, knowing the effect these words had on some family members.

"Yes…I'm ok." He knew there was a shake in his voice as he answered, trying to push these thoughts out of his mind.

"Mark?"

"Yes."

"Ben and I have a son. Hunter. He's 17. Would he be able to come and see Ben, if just for a moment?"

"I don't think that would be possible."

"But…."

"Michael, I'm sorry. You probably know that you being allowed here is actually against hospital…"

"Policy. Yes I know." He replied, trying to keep the anger out of his voice, but not quite succeeding.

"I'm sorry. I can only imagine how upset you are about this."

He was about to say 'I doubt it' but bit back the words when he saw the compassion in the nurses eyes and realized that he may have found someone who did understand in what so far he had found to be a pretty unwelcoming place. He knew that they hadn't meant to be unkind, it was just that they didn't understand.

"Are you ready to go in now?" Mark asked.

Michael nodded his head and followed the nurse through the doors and into a large room. His eyes scanned it, noticing there were about ten beds, of which half were occupied. He followed the nurse over to the far side of the room until they reached Ben.

He bent down and kissed his husband gently on the lips then sat down reaching for his hand and holding it tightly, hoping that Ben would know he was back with him.

"I have to go now Michael. I'll be back in an hour to change the ice packs we are using to help get Ben's temperature down." Mark said.

"Will I have to leave when you do that?"

"Yes."

"How long will it take?" He couldn't believe that now he had finally got back to be with Ben they were going to tell him to leave again.

"Not long. Michael I know you don't want to leave Ben, but you need to take care of yourself as well. Have you eaten today?"

"No."

"I know food is the furthest thought from your mind at the moment, but you need to eat and also to get some fresh air. Sitting here for hours at a time will be exhausting for you, mentally if not physically, so when the chance arises, go for a walk, even if it's just down the corridor."

He knew the nurse was right. The headache that had begun as a dull ache earlier in the day now felt like a thousand hammers doing a tap dance in his skull and he knew that it was probably partly due to lack of food.

"Now is there anything else you need to know?"

"I need to call my mother to let her know what's happening and I wondered if I could have something for my headache?"

"There's a pay phone out in the foyer that you can use and I'llbring you something for your headache."

"Thanks."

He turned his attention back to Ben, stroking his hand and talking to him quietly. He pulled his chair as close to the bed as he could, resting his head on Ben's chest, and he felt himself relax as he listened to the steady beating of his heart. He must have dozed off because he woke with a start when he heard his name being called and realized it was Ben's voice.

He stood up and bent down wrapping his arms around his husband careful not to disturb the wires from his drip and talked to him softly, reassuring him that he was there.

He felt Ben relax in his arms as he continued to talk to him, keeping his voice calm despite the feeling of complete helplessness that was overtaking him. When Ben finally settled, he sat down shakily, burying his face in his hands, wondering if he would be strong enough to get through this.

"Michael…what's wrong?"

He turned his head to see Mark standing next to him.

"Ben called out my name and I didn't know what to do." He replied, feeling tears spring into his eyes.

"I'm sure whatever you did was right, he would have known you were there."

"Do you think so?" he asked, emotion choking his voice. "I don't want him to think he's alone."

"I'm sure of it Here are some Tylenol. I had some in my locker. If you need more later, just ask."

"Thank you." He wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve and took the pills and water from the nurse.

"You okay now?"

"Yes….I'm just not dealing with any of this very well."

"It's tough I know. How long have you and Ben been together?"

"Just over four years. We were married in Canada last year."

"That must have been a special time for you."

"Yeah it was…we hadn't planned it. We were on the Liberty Ride."

"I was as well." Mark said with a smile. "I remember the celebration of your marriage."

"Wasn't it an amazing time? Ben proposed on the bus." A smile crossed his face when he remembered back to how surprised he had been at Ben's proposal, it was the last thing he had expected and he still couldn't work out why he hadn't said yes immediately, because he knew it was what he always wanted.

"We were married in the registry office with my Mom and Hunter and our friends there, it was perfect and a few months ago we bought a house, the apartment we had was just getting too small for us especially after JR arrived, she's my daughter, Jenny Rebecca, she just a few months old, she lives in Canada now, with her mothers, but they bring her to visit as often as they can…" He stopped, realizing he was babbling. "Sorry, I didn't mean to carry on."

"That's okay Michael. It sounds like you have a wonderful family."

"Yes I do but now I feel like it is all falling apart."

"At the moment it probably feels that way, but Ben is getting the best care possible."

"I know." He replied, reaching over and running his fingers down his husband cheek.

"Now, I need to do a few things. How about you go and get a snack, I should only be about 30 minutes."

"Okay."

He gave Ben a kiss and walked slowly out of the room and down the corridor until he found the phone.

Taking a deep breath he dialed the number.

"Hello."

"Mel… it's Michael."

"Hi sweetie, how are you?"

"Is Ma there?"

"She's just finished giving JR her bath. I'll get her for you."

"Thanks."

He heard Mel calling out for his mother, mixed with what sounded like JR's cries of hunger. After about a minute his mother voice came onto the line.

"Michael…I was going to ring you tonight."

"Ma."

"You wouldn't believe how frigging cold it is here, but I bundled JR up this afternoon and we went for a walk to the park."

"Ma."

"You should see how much she has grown. I've taken loads of pictures."

"Mother!"

"What?"

"Ben's in the hospital."

"What happened?"

"He has meningitis."

"Jesus. When did this happen."

"This morning."

"And you're only just telling me now?"

"Mother…please….I don't need this."

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"He's in the ICU. They're letting me stay with him."

"What do you mean letting you! You have every right to be with him!"

He sighed, knowing he would get this reaction from his mother.

"Ma I have to go. I want to get back to Ben."

"Have you got everything you need? Where's Hunter, is he okay? Is there anyone there with you?"

"Yes, I have what I need. Hunter is with Em at the moment. I don't need anyone with me."

"Of course you do. I will be home tomorrow."

"Okay."  
"Michael, hang in there baby, Ben will be fine. You know how strong he is."

"I know."

"Good. Now go back to him. I will see you tomorrow."

"Thanks Ma."

He hung up the phone andleaned against the wall, glad that phone call was out of the way. He loved his mother dearly but knew he just wouldn't be able to deal with her fussing at the moment. He thought he should probably call Emmett to make sure Hunter was okay but decided he just couldn't face any more questions tonight and would leave it until the morning.

He walked down the dimly lit corridor to the cafeteria which was virtually empty apart from about six nurses at one of the larger tables. He grabbed a sandwich and bottle of soda and found a quiet table on the other side of the room. The sandwich was dry and not very appetizing but he forced it down between mouthfuls of drinkhoping that it, along with the Tylenol would clear his head.

He had no idea of the time but felt sure half an hour had passed since he left Ben so after dropping his plate back to the counter, he headed back to the ICU. He pushed open the door and was met by Mark.

"Michael. I was just coming to find you. Dr. McKenzie is waiting to talk to you."

He looked over to Ben's bed and saw a woman, who looked not a lot older than him, standing there, writing onto a chart.

"Come on, I will take you over to meet her. Did you have something to eat?"

"Yes thanks."

"Good."

They reached Ben's bed and stood there waiting until the doctor finished what she was writing and looked up at him.

"Mr. Novotny?"

"Novotny-Bruckner. Ben and I are married."

"Oh. I see."

The look in her eyes told Michael she didn't 'see' at all, but he held her gaze, determined not to be intimidated by anyone in this hospital any more.

"I'm Doctor McKenzie. I have checked through Mr. Bruckner's notes since he was admitted this morning and from what I can see everything is being done that can be. I'm afraid that is just now a matter of waiting for the medication to take effect."

"Are we talking about hours or days?"

"You need to realize that Mr. Bruckner is very ill. Meningitis is extremely serious and it could be some weeks before we see any signs of improvement."

"I understand."

"Good. Well, if you have any more questions I will be back tomorrow."

"Thank you."

She picked up the charts off Ben's bed and with a brief smile in Michael's direction left the room.

"I don't like her."

Mark laughed. "Her bedside manner is not the best I know, but she is an excellent Doctor and she will make sure Ben gets the best of care."

"That's all that matters then."

"I'm going to get you a pillow and some blankets then I suggest you try and get some sleep."

"I'll try."

"Good. I won't be long."

He left the room and by the time he returned ten minutes later he found Michael sound asleep, his fingers entwined in Ben's. He didn't stir when he draped a blanket over him and dimmed the lights around Ben's bed and left the room.

The days became the same. He slept fitfully, waking at the slightest movement from Ben, reassuring him the only way he could, by touch and words when he called out his name. He knew he was lucky that the staff were turning a blind eye to the amount of time he was spending here, and for that he would be forever grateful.

When the nurses arrived for their early morning visit they shooed him off to the cafeteria where he made himself eat more to keep up his strength than because he was hungry. After that he headed off to the shower, letting the warm jets of water ease his muscles which seemed to ache constantly from the hours spent sitting and sleeping at Ben's bedside. Sometimes he stood under it until it ran cold, letting the water wash away his tears which he allowed no one to see. He knew he had lost weight from the way his clothes now seemed to hang on his already small frame and there was nothing he could do to get rid of the dark circles around his eyes.

If there was time he ventured outside. He had found a secluded spot, hidden away from the comings and goings around the hospital, and he found the quietness there helped him relax.

His mother had found him there one morning, and although he didn't have the energy to talk to her, he found her presence reassuring. Now every time he arrived, someone would be waiting for him. They let him decide how the time would be spent. Sometimes he made an effort to talk about what was going on in the world outside the hospital but more often than not they sat in silence, his eyes continually glancing at Ben's watch, which he had taken to wearing, waiting for the hour to click over so he could get back to his husband.

This morning as he pushed open the door, the chill in the air and the grey skies seemed to suit his mood. No matter how much reassurance he was given by the doctor that Ben would recover, after three weeks of seeing no change, he was finding it hard to stay upbeat and positive.

He felt spots of rain and a sudden gust of wind whipped around him as he walked towards his spot, pulling his coat tightly around him and searching in his pockets for his gloves to no avail. He almost decided to turn back but knew that someone would be waiting for him and if he didn't turn up they would come searching for him in the hospital, depriving him of time with Ben.

Brian stood up and ground out his cigarette as he heard footsteps approaching. He watched as Michael walked towards him, noticing how pale he had become from lack of fresh air, his eyes were dull and lifeless and he looked completely exhausted and for a split second he hated Ben for putting his friend though this.

"Hi." He said, as Michael reached him. He gave him a hug before they both sat down on the bench.

"How's Ben?"

"The same."

Brian noticed him shivering as another cold blast of wind whipped around them.

"Want to go for a walk to warm up?"

"Not enough time."

"Ben's not going to know if you're five minutes late back."

"No, but I will."

"Jesus Mikey."

"What?"

"How about thinking of yourself for once."

"What do you mean?"

"You're not going to be much use to the professor if you get sick are you!"

"I'm fine."

"Yeah sure, fucking wonderful. You haven't left this place for weeks, you're obviously not eating or sleeping and you look like shit."

"Thanks."

"Come back to my place. Sleep in a proper bed for a few hours. I'll even make you lunch."

"No thanks. I've got to get back to Ben."

"Jesus fucking Christ, why won't you let any of us help you. He won't know if you're not there for a few hours."

"He might wake up or …."

"Or what?"

"I'm going now." He said, standing up and starting to walk away.

Brian reached out, grabbing his hand and pulled him back to the bench.

"Mikey, talk to me."

"About what?"

"Anything, nothing."

"I don't want him to die."

"Who said that's going to happen?"

"It's just taking so long."

"Well, you know the professor, he doesn't like to rush things."

"It's not funny."

"The doctors told you it could take a while."

"I know. But what if he thinks it's too much effort to fight."

"Come on Mikey, you know he loves you and is not going to give up without a fight. He's been sick before and always come through."

"This time is different."

"Why?"

"Because sitting there day after fucking day and seeing no change is getting harder and harder. Because there is nothing I can fucking do to help him. Because I keep imagining what my life would be like without him. Because no matter what they keeping telling me I know he could die. Because I'm fucking scared."

"You always knew this could happen."

"So that makes it alright does it. I shouldn't have fallen in love with him because it could happen. I should be more like you…handle it, kiss it, jerk it off….just don't fall in love with it….the law according to the great Brian Kinney."

Brian was surprised to hear the words he had once said to Michael thrown back at him but was pleased that at least he was showing some emotion after weeks of monosyllabic answers.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Well it sure as hell sounded like it. I finally have all I have ever wanted, everything that you despise in life, a home and a family, and I'm too fucking scared to fall asleep in case when I wake up it has all been taken away from me."

"I understand."

"You have no fucking idea!"

"You're right. I don't."

"So what the hell is the point of this conversation?"

"Guess I just wanted to see if the Mikey I know and love is still in there somewhere."

"Fuck off Brian. I don't need your psycho bullshit."

"Well you've said more words today than you have in three weeks so perhaps there's a new career out there for me."

"Go try it on someone else, I don't need it."

"What do you need then?"

"To be left alone."

"Well that's not going to happen. Any other choices."

"For you to tell me that Ben isn't going to die."

"Listen to me. Are you listening? Ben is going to come through this. Do you think that after all he did to turn you into a stepford fag he's just going to give up."

He noticed a smile twitch at Michael's lips at his words.

"Go back to your husband Mikey but just remember we are here if you need us. Don't shut us out."

"Thanks."

Brian stood up pulled Michael to his feet and wrapped his arms around him. Michael let himself relax for a few moments, drawing strength from Brian and the knowledge that his friends and family were there for him. He knew realistically that there was nothing any of them could do for Ben. That the will to live had to come from inside his husband with that fighting spirit he had always shown at other times he had been sick.

"I have to go."

"I know…just remember what I told you."

"I will," he replied. Reaching up to give Brian a kiss he then began to walk away.

After a few steps he stopped and turned back to Brian.

"Hey, is Hunter ok? "

"Of course he is. Why?"

"He hasn't been here for a while."

"Your mother has him working from dusk to dawn at the diner, cheap labor she reckons. He's moaning his ass off about it, but I think the lad is secretly enjoying it."

Michael smiled but Brian noticed it didn't reach his eyes.

"He's fine Mikey, honest."

"Tell him I'm sorry I'm not there for him."

"He understands."

"I hope so, I worry about him. I promised I'd talk to him."

"That can wait until you and the professor are home."

"If we ever get home."

"Mikey…."

"Okay, I know."

"Good. Now go and get out of the cold."

Michael dug his hands into his pockets and began the long walk back to the hospital, oblivious of the rain which had started to fall. By the time he had reached the doors of the hospital, he was soaked and cold. He glanced at his watch and realized he still had 15 minutes before he would be allowed back with Ben so made his way to the cafeteria.

He got a bowl of hot soup and found a quiet table in a corner. He draped his coat over the back of the chair to dry out and slowly sipped the soup, and felt himself warming up. He sat back and closed his eyes for a moment and must have dropped off to sleep and he jumped when someone removed the empty bowl from the table.

He stood up and stretched and glanced at his watch, amazed that he must have slept for about half an hour. He grabbed his coat and walked out of the cafeteria and began walking back to the ICU. He had almost reached the doors when a nurse came out followed by the doctor.

"Michael, Ben is asking for you."

Guilt welled up in him and he cursed himself for wasting so much time in getting back here. He walked through the doors as fast as he could without actually breaking into a run and over to Ben's bed.

"Ben, I'm here."

"Hey cutie."

Michael woke up with a start and realized he was alone in the bed. He was about to jump out and go in search of Ben but stopped, telling himself he had to stop panicking every time Ben was out of his sight.

He made himself relax and snuggled under the blankets again and thought about the fact that today was their last day here. The week had gone so fast and he wasn't really looking forward to going home tomorrow, but he knew that Ben was eager to get back to school.

The week had been perfect, they had slept late and after a leisurely breakfast they walked into the local village. He had noticed the curious looks they had received as they strolled hand in hand down the main street, but after a couple of days visiting the same stores and chatting to the shopkeepers they had been made to feel very welcome. He guessed that was the difference between the city and the country, here everyone seemed more relaxed and took the time to get to know people. After lunch Ben had a nap and he usually joined him, sometimes sleeping but more often just lying there watching Ben as he slept. He was getting stronger every day. The fresh country air, warm sunshine and relaxing days had been the perfect place for his recuperation.

He heard footsteps coming down the hall and looked up to see his husband standing in the doorway, holding something in his hands.

He must have just gotten out of the shower and Michael's cock twitched at the sight of him standing there in nothing but a towel, his hair slightly damp and he could see beads of water glistening on his skin. They hadn't had sex since Ben had left the hospital. The doctor had told them it would take time for Ben to get his stamina back and although they had spent many hours kissing and cuddling, Michael wanted nothing more than to feel Ben inside him. He loved being taken by Ben, completely surrendering to him and being brought to such heights of passion, that before he had met Ben, didn't know existed.

He watched as Ben walked over and sat on the edge of the bed and smiled at him with that smile that could still make him go weak at the knees after all these years together and he felt himself growing harder.

"Hi…did you have a good sleep?"

"Mmmm…must be all this fresh country air…but I'm wide awake now…so why don't you come back to bed?"

Ben grinned at him and then took the lid off the bowl he was holding and held it in front of him. He looked in it and then up at Ben.

"Whipped cream?"

"I believe you still owe me dessert," Ben answered, dipping his finger into the bowl and bringing it up to Michael's lips.

Michael let out a little squeal of delight as Ben carefully spread some over his lips then bent in and began to slowly lick it off. He moaned softly as Ben's tongue worked its way around his lips and he tried to capture it in his mouth but Ben pulled away before he could.

Ben pushed Michael gently onto the bed and pulled the covers back so he could see all of his husband's delicious body. He smiled to himself when he saw Michael's cock standing to attention and as much as he wanted to reach out and stroke it, he restrained himself.

Instead he dipped his fingers into the bowl and slowly spread cream over Michael's nipples, then bent down, flicking his tongue over one before taking it into his mouth and biting at it until it became rock hard. When he had satisfied himself he had licked off every bit of cream he moved onto the other one, nibbling at it gently with his teeth and he felt Michael's body tremble. He looked up and saw his eyes were half closed, a look of pure contentment on his face.

Without taking his eyes off his face, he reached into the bowl for some more cream and ran a trail of it down his chest to the base of his cock.

He kissed off the cream, his tongue licking at any bits he may have missed until he reached his pubic hair. He could see Michael's cock beginning to weep as he licked around the base of it until he reached his balls. He took them into his mouth and sucked on them slowly and heard a deep throaty moan come from Michael and felt a deep shudder go through his body.

He ran his tongue so slowly up his cock that Michael wondered how much more of this torture he could take and when Ben took the tip of his cock between his lips and licked at the pre-cum gathered there it took every ounce of strength he possessed to stop himself coming there and then.

"Jesusssssssssssssssss…………….Ben," he moaned, his hands frantically reaching out for his husband but he was out of his grasp so he grabbed hold of the sheets as Ben took his cock into his mouth, sucking on it slowly, sending wave after wave of pleasure through his body.

Ben could hear Michael's moans getting louder so he let his cock fall out of his mouth and reached over and dipped his fingers into the cream and slowly ran them up Michael's cock, covering every inch of it.

The coldness of the cream on his cock sent spine tingling shivers through his body and when Ben bought his mouth down and took him into his mouth, engulfing him completely and began to work his tongue up and down, the sensation of the heat emanating from his mouth mixed with the coldness of the cream sent spasms of pleasure through his body and he had to bite his lip to stop himself from screaming out.

He felt as if every nerve ending in his body was on fire, as if tiny electric shocks were traveling through his body, leaving him sweating and breathless as he pushed himself further into Ben's mouth, wanting more but not knowing how much more he could take.

Ben continued to torture him, his mouth moving up and down his shaft, stopping every now and then to lick at the head, and when he felt Ben squeeze his balls he couldn't hold on any longer and cried out as his orgasm overtook him and he shot load after load of come into Ben's mouth.

Ben held him tightly waiting for him to come down from his orgasm. His body finally stopping shaking and Ben crawled up the bed and looked down at him.

"That…. was…. amazing." Michael said, still trying to catch his breath.

"I'm happy to please." Ben replied, leaning in and kissing him gently before lying on his back and pulling Michael to him.

Michael snuggled as close as he could to Ben, his fingers tracing lazy circles over his chest.

"Ben?"

"What is it baby?"

"I love you."

Ben reached down and lifted Michael chin so that he could look at him. He noticed tears glistening in his eyes.

"Michael, what's wrong."

He shook his head, not trusting himself to speak.

"Baby, please, talk to me."

"When you were in the hospital I was so scared I was going to lose you. I just wanted you to wake up so I could tell you how much being loved by you meant to me. I didn't even know if you knew I was there with you."

"Michael, do you remember what I once promised you. That if I died you would be the last thought on my mind. You were on my mind the whole time."

"I was?"

"I could hear your voice and feel your arms around me and that was what kept me going, I tried so hard to wake up because I knew what sitting there day after day was doing to you but I just didn't have the strength. I am so sorry for putting you through that."

Michael sat up and looked down at his husband. He bought his fingers down and put them on Ben's lips.

"Don't you ever say that! I hate that this disease could take you from me at any moment. I hate the way you worry every time we make love that something may go wrong. I hate that I'll never be able to feel you properly or taste you. But it is part of you. Would I love you more if you didn't have it, that would be impossible. Do you understand that?"

"Michael….."

He reached for Ben's hand and took off his wedding ring and handed it to him.

"What are you doing?"

"When you were in the hospital I got it engraved. Read it."

"My dreams, my love, my life."

"That's what you are to me. I always dreamed that I would find someone who wanted what I did from life and the first time I saw you I knew at that moment I had found it. I love you so much that sometimes it hurts. I would have sat there forever because you are my life and without you it would have no purpose, no meaning."

"Michael, please…"

"Listen to me. Do you remember what you once told me? That you weren't going to live your life in fear, well I'm not either. This could happen again, and if it does we will fight it together. I am never going to be scared again."

He took Ben's ring from him and slipped it back on his finger and linked hands with him.

"These rings are symbols that show the world we are married. I am so proud to wear it, but even without them we know that what we have will survive anything and even in death I know our love will go on."

"Oh….baby…I don't know what I have done in my life to deserve you. Your love, your strength and your belief in me is what made makes me fight every time to stay alive. I never want to leave you but I want you to always remember this. If lying is your arms is the last thing I ever do, I will always know that I was loved by you. There is no more precious gift that I could ever receive in my life than that."

Ben sat up and took Michael into his arms, the separation of the last weeks coming to the fore as their tears mingled with kisses and whispered 'I love you's'.

Michael pulled away and ran his hands down Ben's face, brushing away his tears.

"Make love to me." He said, his voice husky with emotion knowing that Ben would understand his need at this moment.

Ben pulled Michael to him and kissed him; tenderly at first, before forcing his mouth open with his tongue. Michael surrendered his mouth to him, as he explored all corners of it slowly and sensuously, running his tongue over the roof of his mouth, causing soft moans to escape from Michael, as their mouths fought with each other with more intensity until they had to come up for air.

Ben pulled away from Michael and held him at arms length, his eyes taking in every curve of his body, marveling at the strength he knew was contained in his small frame. Michael lifted his arms, reaching out for Ben but he pushed them down and held them at his sides as he bent in and flicked his tongue over Michael's nipple, before nibbling at it just enough to make it hard and dark. He moved onto the other one, his tongue licking around it, before sucking on it, feeling it harden in his mouth.

He began kissing his way up his chest, letting his tongue skim through his dark tuft of chest hairs, until he reached his neck, nipping at it just hard enough to leave his mark, before finding his mouth again and feasting on it, until they were both breathless.

He let go of Michael's arms and pulled him close, his hands moving down his back and he felt Michael's hand snake down between their bodies. When he wrapped it around his cock and squeezed it gently Ben let out a loud moan which Michael silenced with his mouth. They pulled away and locked eyes with each other; Ben's clear and blue and full of love; Michael's almost black with lust and desire.

Ben ran his hands down Michael's chest until he reached his cock. He stroked it slowly until it began to weep then bent down licking at the tip of it as his hands began to knead Michael's ass, before running his fingers up his crack and felt a deep shudder go through Michael's body as his fingers dug into Ben's back.

"Bennnnnnnnn………please……….." Michael pleaded, using all his strength to stop himself from coming.

Ben bought his head up and smiled at Michael before gently turning him so that his back was against his chest. He could see a light sheen of sweat glistening on his skin and licked at a few droplets that had gathered in the crevice of his neck. He ran his fingers through Michael's thick dark hair and down his face, tracing them around his lips. Michael opened his mouth slightly and sucked Ben's fingers into his mouth, his hands reaching round holding his husband's hips as Ben bought his fingers down and gently pushed them into Michael, opening him up slowly as his other hand began to stroke his cock.

Michael pushed himself back against Ben, as his fingers probed his hole, hitting his prostate time after time, sending spine tingling tremors throughout his body.

Ben pulled his fingers out of Michael, holding him tightly as he reached for a condom, ripped the packet open with his teeth and rolled it onto his throbbing cock. He guided himself into Michael, before pulling almost out and stopping, feeling Michael's body relax before pushing himself in so deeply and hitting his prostate dead on, causing Michael to stifle to scream. Ben slicked his fingers over the tip of his cock before taking it into his hand and pumping it slowly.

Michael felt his legs begin weaken and felt a warm flush work its way up his body, making him feel light headed as Ben continued his dual assault on his body, pushing into him deeply, one hand rubbing his nipples, the other stroking his cock in a measured rhythm.

"Ohhhhhhhhh God Ben………………..I love you." He cried out, his hand grabbing his husband's in a vice like grip as he came, his warm cum shooting over their hands as Ben held his trembling body in his strong hands. Ben pushed himself once more into Michael, feeling his balls tighten as his orgasm hit with such force that he had to grab hold of Michael to stop himself falling forward as wave after wave of pleasure worked its way through his body.

They collapsed onto the bed, bodies entwined, as they came slowly down from the most intense orgasm they had ever experienced. Their breathing gradually returned to normal, their heartbeats to a steady pace, but neither of them moved, not wanting this moment to end.

They held each other as if their lives depended on it, both aware that the last weeks had tested them in ways that no person should have to endure. They had survived and would go on fighting whatever hands were dealt them, secure in the knowledge that their love for each would overcome anything and knowing that, in the end, not even death could ever take that from them.


End file.
